I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
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