you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Randomize
