you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
