Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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