I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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