i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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