he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
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