I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
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When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
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I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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