hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
