My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
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