she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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