it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
