im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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