No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
