I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
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