I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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