My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
You smell like a Billy Joel song
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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