Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
