I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
