I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
