so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
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