dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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