how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Lo siento on account of my penis...
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
