Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
