woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
