brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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