How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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