She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
