Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
