Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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