At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
