3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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