He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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