Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
