Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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