I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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