she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
we're so committed to being not committed
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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