Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
