yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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