Small penises have feelings too.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
