R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
