would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
