Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
