You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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