hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
