She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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