I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
