There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
