I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
