checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
