You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
