I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
