My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
