tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Randomize
