so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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