the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
