dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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