The maid of honor just puked.
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
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