I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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