You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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