i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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