I just cut my nipple shaving
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
