Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
