Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
