You work out of a Hotel?
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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