Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
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You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I supernannyed him into submission
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize