The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
